The Mighty Dumps

It was a cold winter day in Crypto City, and the markets were as volatile as ever. Somewhere in a tiny co-working space that smelled like energy drinks, desperation, and a hint of stale pizza, sat Gordon “Gord” Gecko, a washed up stockbroker turned crypto trader who, after one too many losses, had been reduced to teaching a ragtag group of hopeless investors how to navigate the perilous waters of blockchain.

Gord was notorious for his memorable trades. At his peak, he’d tweeted “\$DOGE to \$1 is inevitable” to his 12 followers. After the market dumped, they renamed him “The King of Dumps”, a title he wore with shameful pride.

But things had changed. Gord was done with crypto trading – or so he told himself until he received the call.

“Mr. Gecko, we need you to coach a group of traders“, the voice on the phone crackled.

 

“They’ve been banned from every reputable exchange, liquidated more times than they can count, and they just bought something called ‘Pepe Inu Token.’

Gord laughed. “Not interested. I’m done with that world.”

“There’s a catch,” the voice said. “If you don’t, we’ll make sure you never trade again. Not even meme coins.”

Gord’s heart sank. Not even meme coins?! That was too cruel. He sighed. “Fine, where do I meet these… investors?”

Enter The Dumps

The next morning, Gord found himself standing outside a shabby crypto meet up center, staring at a group of individuals that looked more lost than a hot wallet on the blockchain.

There Was:

Rick “The Dip” Daniels – Every time he bought a coin, it crashed immediately. He thought he had special powers.

Lucy “Moonshot” Luna – Convinced every coin was “going to the moon,” even as they hit the floor like space junk.

Eddie “Diamond Hands” McGreedy – Known for never selling. His portfolio was a graveyard of dead coins.

Timmy “Pump Master” Jones – A pump and dump pro, though he was always the last one holding the bag.

Together, they called themselves The Mighty Dumps – because every coin they bought dumped immediately.

Gord sighed. “Alright, team. If we’re going to survive this market, you need to learn the code. The rules of trading“. Eddie raised a hand. “Diamond hands forever, right?”

“No! No!” Gord yelled. “We need to survive. Paper hands are sometimes the way, alright?”. The team stared back in confusion. Clearly, they didn’t get it. Gord pinched the bridge of his nose.

This was going to be rough.

Training Days

The first thing Gord did was take them to a virtual exchange to practice trading. It was a disaster.

Rick “The Dip” Daniels eagerly clicked Buy on a promising coin just as Gord yelled, “No, wait!” And then, as if by magic, the chart plunged faster than Rick’s optimism.

“Oh no, I did it again!” Rick groaned, his eyes glued to the screen.

Lucy “Moonshot” Luna was busy yelling “To the moon!”, while blindly shoving all her funds into something called “Spoon Coin.” When Gord checked, it had already been delisted from three exchanges.

Eddie “Diamond Hands” McGreedy was cackling to himself, refusing to sell his long dead $LUNA holdings. “It’ll come back. I know it!”

Meanwhile, Timmy “Pump Master” Jones was frantically refreshing his screen, trying to rally his 9 Twitter followers to “pump” a coin he just bought called “DumpsterDAO.” As expected, it dumped within minutes.

Gord realized this wasn’t just about teaching them to trade. it was about survival. They needed discipline. They needed strategy. They needed… a miracle.

The Big Game At The Whale Bowl

One fateful night, The Mighty Dumps got an invite to the biggest event in Crypto City. The Whale Bowl, a high stakes trading competition held by none other than Big Whale Benny, a legendary investor who had the power to make markets move with a single trade. The winner would walk away with a fortune in BTC and, more importantly, respect.

But Big Whale Benny wasn’t their only opponent. They’d be up against The Rugpullers, a team notorious for pumping coins just to leave everyone in the dust when they dumped them. They were led by a slick trader named Chad “Rug” Rogers, who had never lost.

The game began. The Dumps were nervous. Gord gave them a pep talk: “Remember, it’s not about who can buy the flashiest token. It’s about knowing when to sell. If we stick to the plan, we might, might have a chance.“

The first round was brutal. The Rugpullers pumped a new coin called “WhaleCoin” to insane heights. Everyone on The Dumps’ team was tempted to FOMO in, but Gord yelled, “Hold! This is a trap!”

Lucy was sweating. “But… it’s… going… to the moon!”

“No, it’s going to the landfill! Stay strong!”

And just like that, WhaleCoin tanked. The Rugpullers laughed, thinking they’d secured their win.

But The Dumps were still standing. It was time for the final move. Their secret strateg – The Paper Hands Play.

Timmy pumped DumpsterDAO one last time. The Rugpullers FOMO’d into the coin, thinking they were about to dump on The Dumps again. But this time, The Dumps pulled the rug first, selling everything at the peak. The Rugpullers were left holding the bags.

Victory And The Future

Against all odds, The Mighty Dumps had done it. They’d beaten Big Whale Benny’s competition. The crowd went wild (well, the four people who cared). Gord, for once, smiled. These maniacs had actually learned something.

Big Whale Benny, impressed by their performance, handed over the prize. One whole BTC, which, ironically, dumped in price the next day.

But that didn’t matter. The Dumps had earned something much more valuable…..the ability to trade and dump responsibly – most of the time.

As for Gord? He went back to tweeting ridiculous price predictions to his now 15 followers, while his team, The Mighty Dumps, kept chasing those moonshots…..and dumps.

And so, legend has it, if you listen closely to the sound of the market crashing, you might just hear the chant…..

“Dumps! Dumps! Dumps!”